


Without You

by pieceofmysanversharto



Series: Jukebox [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Character Death, F/F, dealing with death, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 10:58:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10592604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pieceofmysanversharto/pseuds/pieceofmysanversharto
Summary: Based on Without You from RENTHere's theplaylist





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is sad and I'm sorry. Blame it on the tumblr anons:
> 
> [prompt from tumblr anon: Prompt: what if in episode 2x15 guardian wasn't there to help alex and she got shot while maggie was standing there or that agent came out 10 seconds later and actually shot alex because she shot his fellow CADUS agents. PLEASE I NEED SOME ANGST IN MY LIFE.]
> 
> [prompt from tumblr anon: i'm digging some angst rn so would you write something about maggie dies on duty (or anything) and alex tries to cope with everything? (vice versa works too)]
> 
> ^^I got two prompts about one of them dying and I don’t think I can write that twice. Once was hard enough… so here you go. Enjoy the pain.

Maggie walked through the door of the bar and heard a gunshot. Before she could even register what was happening, Alex had fallen to the ground, and the CADMUS agents were gone. 

There was no time to react. No time to say goodbye. Or to whisper the words they’d left unsaid. Alex was gone. One minute everything was fine, they were happy, and then she was gone. Just gone. 

She was numb. People were moving around her. People were ushering her to the DEO. People were talking to her. She didn’t hear anything. All she could see was the image of Alex dropping to the ground in front of her. Over. And over. And over again. The blood flowing from her chest. The life disappearing from her eyes. The love of her life lying on the ground, eyes staring up at her, glassy and empty. 

She hadn’t cried. Not yet. Not while there were people around her, checking that she was ok. Not while J’onn told her to go home. Not while she didn’t know where home was anymore. She hadn’t been to her own apartment in weeks. Alex’s place had been slowly turning into their apartment. Not while Kara said she’d bring her home, no one daring to tell her she shouldn’t drive. Not while Kara picked her up and flew her to Alex’s. Not until they sat on her couch, together in silence, mourning the loss of the most important person in both of their lives. Then Maggie cried. 

The tears flowed down Maggie’s face. Kara’s too. Neither knew how to comfort the other, both understanding how the other felt, but also not understanding at all. Losing a sister and losing a love is not the same. They both had an Alex sized hole in their hearts, but they were different shapes. They didn’t speak. They sat with their thoughts until the tears stopped. Not because the loss didn’t hurt anymore, but because they had no more tears to give. The sun had set and the sun had risen and then Kara finally spoke. 

“Supergirl is needed downtown. So I’m gonna... go… call me if you need anything, ok?”

“Yeah. Same to you.”

Maggie didn’t move from her place. Didn’t look at Kara. Couldn’t look at Kara. Even though they weren’t actually related, Kara looked like Alex. Her facial expressions. Her posture. Even the way she spoke was like Alex. Maggie couldn’t face her yet. 

Kara flew out the window and left Maggie on her own. 

She was alone. She was alone in Alex’s space. Everything reminded her of Alex. Everything smelled like Alex. Everything was Alex. 

She didn’t know what she was supposed to do. How was she supposed to move on with her life? Without Alex by her side? She hadn’t gotten to tell her she loved her. She hadn’t gotten to tell her she wanted to marry her someday. To raise a family with her. To raise alien kids who needed families. To fight crime together. Make the world a better place together. Be in a better place because they were together. They were soulmates. Meant to be. Until they weren’t. Until Alex was ripped from her arms. And there was nothing she could do to save her. 

Maggie put on the pajamas Alex had taken off the morning before and crawled into her bed. Everything smelled like Alex. She wanted to take in that scent before it faded. She wanted to remember everything. 

She wanted to remember how she always smiled first thing in the morning. How she liked to pull Maggie in for a kiss by her jacket. The way her closet was organized in colour order, with her few coloured shirts at one end, and all her black and grey taking up most of the closet. The way she fussed over her hair because Maggie liked it curled. Really, Maggie liked it every way, but watching Alex do her hair was one of Maggie’s favourite things. The way Alex always let Maggie lay on top of her when they cuddled during movies. Or how Alex was a bed hog and a cuddle monster, and always ended up simultaneously sprawled across the whole bed but also cuddled into Maggie. 

She never wanted to forget what Alex’s laugh sounded like. Or the way her voice dropped when she was turned on. Or the way her voice got higher when she was nervous. Or the tone she saved specifically for her mother. Or how her sneezes always came in threes and Alex hated it but Maggie though it was adorable. Or her voice when she sang along in the car, or when they were making dinner. 

She never wanted to forget anything about Alex, except one thing. 

She laid in bed, but couldn’t sleep. Everytime she closed her eyes she saw alex dropping to the ground. That she wanted to forget, but the image was ingrained in her mind. 

At least it was quick. She wouldn’t have felt much pain. She wouldn’t have had much time to think about what was happening. At least it was easy for Alex. Because it certainly wasn’t easy for Maggie. 

Maggie couldn’t sleep so she got up, put on Alex’s running clothes and went outside. She walked past their favourite coffee shop on the corner. The people inside were living their lives like nothing had happened. No one noticing that it was Sunday morning and their best customers hadn’t stopped in for their coffee yet. The world keeps spinning even when yours stops. 

She walked past the park Alex took her to on the first date Alex had planned. They had gotten ice cream and sat on the steps and watched the people go by, holding hands and kissing ice cream off each other’s lips. Maggie sat and watched as people passed. Business people rushing past with briefcases. Couples holding hands. A group of mothers pushing strollers. A class of small children going on a nature walk. The same old man who comes to feed the birds every day. Their lives were still flying by, while Maggie’s was at a stand still. 

She walked past the pizza place she had picked up the pizza at the night she confessed her feelings to Alex. She walked past the flower shop where she had gotten flowers for Alex on the night of their first date. 

She walked past the alien bar… the place of firsts and lasts. The place where she’d come out to Alex. The place where Alex came out to her. The place where Alex kissed her for the first time. The place where they’d hung out because Alex’s family felt safe there. The place Alex had died. 

Eventually she walked past her own apartment. The place where she had made love with Alex for the first time. The place she had first tasted Alex’s truly awful cooking. The place she had told Alex about her love for Bonsai trees and how they remind her of her mother. The place where Maggie no longer felt at home. It was a house, but it wasn’t a home. It was just a place to keep her belongings. Her heart lived with Alex. 

The sun was beginning to set, so she headed back to Alex’s, noticing everything about the world that was moving on without Alex. People were still moving. The trees were still growing. The wind was still blowing. The rain was still falling. The stars still shone. The birds still flew. The earth was still turning. But Maggie’s world had stopped. 

But Maggie was still breathing. She was still moving. Her heart was still beating. She was still living, even though she felt like she was dying without Alex. 

She got back to Alex’s, soaking wet because of the rain. She climbed into the shower and sat on the floor letting the water wash away the tears that had begun to fall again. 

The world keeps spinning even without Alex. She could learn to live again. She could learn to live without Alex. To move on. Somehow. It will be hard. And it will hurt. But Alex wouldn’t want her to stop living just because she was gone. So Maggie will do it. For Alex.

Because life goes on, even without her.

**Author's Note:**

> If this hurt you as much as it hurt me, let me know. We can wallow in pain and sadness together.


End file.
